Today in my literature class I was given the prompt to write about: Is life a result of choice or fate? When I began to jot down my thoughts on the subject, I thought "I'm sure both play into how your life works out.. I believe that fate can make things happen.."  But then I started really thinking..Fate, something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot. And I have a lot of thoughts on it. Wouldn't it be so unfortunate to believe that nothing you choose makes a difference. Fate is in all control. I think that is a contributing factor to what makes people lazy these days. They believe that some how they will be blessed from the good Lord above for doing absolutely nothing. And that things will fall into place because it is supposed to. Practically everything is a result of choice. We may think some occurrences are just coincidence, but nothing is. Someone had to choose something to get them to where they were, to get to you, which may have affected you and you call it fate. It's kind of an ignorant thought, really. Thinking that things just happen. The world is not a bubble. Millions of choices got you where you are right now. Everything happens because choice and action. However, I do think that some choices are inspired. I believe in a higher power and I don't want to get all religious right now, but everything happens for a reason, because we chose to get there. If this even makes any sense. Things that happen are meant to happen.. because countless choices before got you in the situation you're in now. And those are my thoughts on "fate." 

Being on facebook and tumblr really pisses me off, because people really irk me. I don't know why? It shouldn't get to me or anything, they mean nothing to me. But I just see all their dumb faces and it kind of makes me want to shoot myself in the face.  I am beginning to hate social networks.

Everyone is on the "pursuit of happiness" or so they say. People can spend weeks, months, even years looking and searching for happiness. It's always, "as soon as I get a job I'll be happy" or "as soon as I finish high school I'll be happy" or "as soon as I get married I'll be happy." If you're constantly rushing to the next thing in your life, you will never achieve happiness. It's as simple as that. It sounds cliche, but you really do have to stop and smell the roses. It's also important to realize, you are the only person that can make yourself happy. You can't rely on something or someone else to make you feel better. It's all about your attitude, and how you view your life. I read books and hear stories about people in concentration camps or people that have circumstances that are drastically worse than mine, yet they know the true feeling of being happy. They look at life with a big sense of opportunity to make each day better, and I admire that. Probably the best thing I ever learned was that I was the only one that could make myself happy and that could make my circumstances better. It hit me like a ton of bricks one day when I was having a month long pity party and I thought my life sucked and that no one would ever love me and that I would never be pretty enough or have enough money..etc. I just thought.. My life CAN get better, but only if I want it to, or if I let it. It was the best thing I ever taught myself and for the most part, I've been happy ever since.

January 17th, 2012          
            To write more was a New Years Resolution of mine, so I think it's time to start. I began this blog to adequately say how I feel without worrying if someone will see and judge me. I say I don't care what people think of me, which is true to an extent. But a real insecurity of mine is letting people know what I truly think and what I truly feel. Isn't it so easy to just put on a happy face and agree to something you aren't sure about? Or let someone say something ignorant without you contradicting them simply because it causes less problems? I wasn't always a reserved person. I used to speak my mind almost too much, and I have learned that it can become a negative thing in ones life. I found this out and almost purposefully completely lost the ability to communicate, and show real emotion. It's a funny thing, really. I sometimes feel like "I'm a girl, why can't I contact my emotions and find words to convey them?" I dig deep and I think it's because I don't want to. I don't want to find the reason why, I don't want to dig up repressed memories. They are in the back corners of my mind for a reason. I put them in a box and hid them away because reliving it hurt. I'm trying to learn how to find words, I am. And as time goes on I think it will get easier. I hope so, at least. Communication issues are certainly not something I want to deal with for the rest of my years.