January 17th, 2012
To write more was a New Years Resolution of mine, so I think it's time to start. I began this blog to adequately say how I feel without worrying if someone will see and judge me. I say I don't care what people think of me, which is true to an extent. But a real insecurity of mine is letting people know what I truly think and what I truly feel. Isn't it so easy to just put on a happy face and agree to something you aren't sure about? Or let someone say something ignorant without you contradicting them simply because it causes less problems? I wasn't always a reserved person. I used to speak my mind almost too much, and I have learned that it can become a negative thing in ones life. I found this out and almost purposefully completely lost the ability to communicate, and show real emotion. It's a funny thing, really. I sometimes feel like "I'm a girl, why can't I contact my emotions and find words to convey them?" I dig deep and I think it's because I don't want to. I don't want to find the reason why, I don't want to dig up repressed memories. They are in the back corners of my mind for a reason. I put them in a box and hid them away because reliving it hurt. I'm trying to learn how to find words, I am. And as time goes on I think it will get easier. I hope so, at least. Communication issues are certainly not something I want to deal with for the rest of my years.